


stardust to remember you by

by vindicatedtruth (behindtintedglass)



Series: what I believe in (is you) [3]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 13:33:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11624589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/behindtintedglass/pseuds/vindicatedtruth
Summary: Everyone you meet is a star in the sky.Until one of them... becomes the sun.





	stardust to remember you by

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this](http://wnq-writers.com/post/163466924088/everyone-you-meet-is-a-star-in-the-sky-until). Title came from the lyrics of [this beautifully apt song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRPyoPGO2vo&spfreload=10).

********_Everyone you meet,_  
_Is a star in the sky. Until one of them,  
_ _Becomes the sun_

* * *

 

 

When John was in the military, he found comfort in the desert sky, where stars came out in multitudes, like diamonds studded in a deep black fabric that enveloped them all.  Amidst the sounds and sights and stench of war and death around him, it reminded him that there were some beautiful things that remained untouched by the ugliness human beings were capable of, as long as they remained in the sky.

When the CIA found him, he had forgotten all about it as he resigned himself to starless nights, cooped up inside fancy hotels, smoky bars, or dusty motels that made him forget that stars even existed.  

(Which was just as well, considering that he seemed to have also forgotten the value of human life.)

When he first came to New York City, the stars became a sort of beacon to him, tempting him, especially when he first saw them reflected in the water.  Distantly, in the back of his inebriated mind, it made sense to meet those stars in the East River by plunging himself into the depths of those murky waters and never resurfacing again.

It was the only way someone as ugly as him could finally be with something beautiful.

But then someone found him.  Told him he needed a purpose.

It made him look away from the allure of the stars in the water, and began seeing them in the sky again.  Distant, unreachable, unattainable—like his happiness, like his redemption—but still overwhelmingly mesmerising.

It made him realise that some things were better off far away from him, because that was how they remained beautiful, when they were untouched by him.

And in the darkness of his life, stars began to reappear, one by one.  It came in the form of an ex-dirty cop whose fierce loyalty and gruff kindness he had always known would shine through.  It came in the form of a Detective who was civilised to the very end, whose convictions upheld the law above everything, including her own personal vendettas.  It came in the form of a military dog, just as vicious and just as lost as him, who found the same master of his fealty, affection, and protection.  It came in the form of a trained killer like him, who found a better path in the light than the darkness her former employers led her to believe in, a truth she could hold onto when all she had ever been fed with were lies.  It even came, unexpectedly, in the form of a murderer and a thief he used to hate with his entire being, but found a startling common ground in being drawn to the same source of blinding light, the only difference being that she loved him for his brilliant mind, whereas John…

John loved him for his immeasurable heart.

For it was that heart that led him to the most beautiful stars: the Numbers, every one of them, those he saved and even those he failed to reach in time, each of them emitting a unique light of their own.  It reminded John that he found his true purpose in being the darkness if it meant that these people would be the ones to shine.

He could be the night sky, and these people… they would be his stars.

Except… it wasn’t meant to be, it seemed, for him to be the darkness he wanted to be, the darkness he  _chose_ to become.  Not when the sun, when it chose to shine, would find even the farthest, most secluded corners and obliterate all the shadows surrounding him.

There was no place for him to hide.  Not from the all-seeing eyes of the sun’s Machine, or from the sun’s stubbornness in refusing to let him disappear into the darkness alone.

The sun, after all, was the brightest star in the galaxy.

And Harold… was the center of  _his_.

This was the gravity he couldn’t escape, and would never  _want_  to, because without Harold, without  _his sun_  pulling him close in an orbit of shared breakfasts of Eggs Benedict and Sencha green tea, of witty banter and intimate confessions over the phone, of explosions and aftercare and  _Mr. Reese are you okay_ , of dog baths and chess games and walks in the park, of saving lives and having a team and a job that made him  _happy_ , of finally having a family and a home and  _always, Mr. Reese…_

Without Harold, he’d be lost in space, farther from the light than he ever was.

For the longest time, John had believed that the beauty of the stars was something that he could only have at a distance.  That he could never tarnish something so tranquil and fragile and ethereal with the demons dogging his every step and the blood that he could never wash away from his hands.

He thought that loving the stars from a distance was enough.  That it would always have to  _be_ enough.

But then Harold found him, and for the first time, the sun finally rose in his life.  A star finally chose to shine on him— _for_ him—breaking free from the barricades of heaven to purify the hell of his life, and his world suddenly became warmer, brighter, and clearer, and it finally made him see, and  _believe_ , that he deserved happiness, too.  

He didn’t have to settle for loving at a distance, anymore, the way he used to love the stars of his life.  Because the sun, the brightest star he had ever known, the center of his world, was shining on him, breathing life back into him,  _surrounding him,_ never letting go.

And John knew that this time, he didn’t have to walk in the dark, anymore.

Because Harold had finally showed him the light.

 

 


End file.
